Most of the time I don't admit it. But having twins is hard work. People say I make it look easy. Ha! Young girls tell me how it's their dream to have twins...one boy and one girl. How perfect...
And, it is perfect in a lot of ways, but in a lot of ways it's not so perfect.
Aside from the obvious; sure the pregnancy was hard (although it could have been harder), sure the nights can be rough, and yes, it's very frustrating when both want to be held at the same time. I don't work out as often as I'd like and my showers are infrequent (Yucky...sorry). I won't even go into how hard it is having a 3 year old daughter and two babies...(the worst part!). But I found I can handle all of that. There are tricks I have learned since becoming a mom.
One thing I never expected was rejection.
While pregnant with the babies, one of the first questions everyone asked after learning it was twins was "You have help, don't you?" The answer was always, "sure...um...of course..." when the truth was that I didn't. If I wanted help, I was gonna have to pay for it. In Southern California, it's not that uncommon to see stay at home moms with nannies...I just never thought that was something that I needed...or wanted. But as the last month of my pregnancy rolled around, my husband convinced me that we needed to hire a babysitter.
We hired Connie to come 3 days a week...it's been great. She comes and helps me clean, watches the babies while I take Luci to her gymnastics & ballet, allows me time to make dinners...again, huge help. She loves my kids as her own. One problem...Penny LOVES Connie.
She's probably smiling at Connie behind me!
Today, she cried when I picked her up from her nap. Connie rushed over, took Penny in her arms and Penny stopped! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! I didn't know who to be mad at. Penny, Connie or myself for getting into this situation. I was so sad...so mad...
I went into my little bathroom, looked in the mirror (I do this to keep from crying) and realized that this was a gift, an "a-ha moment." I realized I had become too dependent on the babysitter...she gave me too much freedom to do things away from home that I didn't need to do. Penny loved Connie because Connie was the one home with her all day while Mommy was out doing "errands". I was a part-time-stay-at-home-mom...
I left the bathroom, grabbed Penny and Tripp and went out side to lay in the grass with them. Later that night, on her way out the door, I told Connie that I didn't need her anymore. I'm gonna be my kids #1 Mommy.
We'd love a vote!
My heart just dropped for you. But....
ReplyDeleteyou can do it. I know you can. Not saying that like I know you or anything, but I can tell you've got that Mommy power and motivation. You have that huge Spartan-like shield in one hand and you're ready to conquer.
And I'm here to back you.. 100% of the blogging way :)
You Go, Mama!
Kari you are amazing!!! Love your honesty and your bravery! You can totally do it and if you ever need help I'm here for you sister! Now... Can I have Connie's number? ;)
ReplyDeleteWhen I had my daughter (a year ago) and she was a newborn the first thing I thought was how do mothers of twins do this. A newborn although lovely and amazing and you know the words.. they are HARD work!
ReplyDeleteIt's ok to have help, heck I feel I need help and I only have one. Your children will always love you more than anybody else. Penny doesn't love Connie more than she loves you, she just likes that this person was coming to play and they were fun and new 3 times a week as oppose to being with mommy 24 hours a day - which as a mom those are our hours - no breaks.
Your an amazing mommy - keep it up!
Just don't feel bad if you have to go back to Connie. It can be even more difficult not to have the help. Oh, how I'd love a Connie!
ReplyDeletegood for you for using this as an ah-ha moment! but i wouldn't take it too personally either. babies go through phases & right now parker wants nothing to do with anyone but me. he's even squirmed out of his dad's arms into mine which is totally not normal & i know it's just a phase. if connie was helping you keep your sanity, it's ok to accept help! you will ALWAYS be the MOM.
ReplyDeleteDid you seriously fire Connie?? I know I've told you that I think you are supermom already!! Don't feel bad for needing or taking advantage of a little help now and then, you have your hands full, literally! And I'm with Tracy, can I have her number? hahaha
ReplyDeleteWow. I can't say I know what you're going through b/c I only have one. I seriously do not know how moms with more than one child do it! One is hard enough.... but you do it x3! You get the award for coolest mom ever!
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling of being rejected a little- when I go to pick up my daughter from daycare (its an older woman that watches 3 kids out of her house), Julianna barely looks up at me when I walk in all smiles and ready to hug her b/c I Haven't seen her all day. She glances my way, then goes back to playing with cathy. Ugh. So depressing. But, I Knew that would likely be an issue when putting your child in daycare.
In the end, your kids will always love mommy (and daddy) first!!
My sis in law has twin boys and a daughter. I often tell her I Have no idea how she does it!
Remember, like some others said, it might just be a phase. It's ok to have help. Damn, I wish I had help! :) Hudson is such a daddy's boy and Parker is definitely a momma's boy. I get jealous when Hudson would rather be with Sean than with me. Then I remember, he still loves me even though he's stuck to daddy. Penny will always love you and need you! I say keep Connie. (I'm a little jealous, ha!)
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with a lot of the sentiment above. I have such a hard time with my one boy without any help. I cannot imagine having three without help. You will ALWAYS be number one - well, at least for the first few years ;) You NEED breaks to make you sane. Sanity = better mommy! Good luck and don't feel bad if you need to hire help again!!!
ReplyDeleteI would have done the same thing!! You are a great mother :)
ReplyDeleteYou seem like a great mother, I cant imagine having twins! I cant even imagine having one right now, ha! When you get a second, fyi- I gave you an award on my blog:-)
ReplyDeleteOh! Good for you!! You seem like a very kind and wonderful mother! I love that you shared this with all of us...
ReplyDelete